


For the time I’m wasting

by Gytha_Bagshot



Series: Preludes [1]
Category: Twosetviolin, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Chinese, Gen, Getting Together, Jealousy, Mandarin, Pining, Valentines, best friends and some benefits, eheh, idk - Freeform, preludes, speed dating musicians, teach the violin in chinese, twosetviolin - Freeform, violin, whatamIdoing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29461752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gytha_Bagshot/pseuds/Gytha_Bagshot
Summary: He really shouldn’t have said it. He even really shouldn’t have thought it in the first place. He couldn’t help it, though: the words left his mouth before he could hold them back, harsh, almost spiteful, and now the harm is done.“I hope you’ll have fun with your new admirer.“Brett actually didn’t say a word. It’s his fear who’s talking, right now. And its rage is taking control, and he gives up (he might go a little wild tonight, when the shadows hide his love and show his desire).Where does this lead him?In a land where time doesn’t matter, and hope is useless.- a Valentine’s fic, i guess -
Relationships: Eddy Chen & Brett Yang, Eddy Chen/Brett Yang
Series: Preludes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179677
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	For the time I’m wasting

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously english is not my first language, so if you notice some mistakes feel free to point them out, I'm here to learn!  
> And now, a classic but usefull warning: Brett and Eddy are their own property (at least I hope so) and this is purely a work of fiction. I ship them for the sake of literature but I actually don't really care what their private life looks like. I just hope they're happy!  
> Thank you for taking the time to read my work, I hope you'll enjoy it!  
> Gytha <3 
> 
> => The dialogues in italics are in chinese, the others in english. <=

**_First round_ **

He really shouldn’t have said it. He even really shouldn’t have thought it in the first place. He couldn’t help it, though: the words left his mouth before he could hold them back, harsh, almost spiteful, and now the harm is done.

“ _I hope you’ll have fun with your new admirer._ “

He smiles, in the hope that it will sound more like an encouraging joke and less like jealous sarcasm. But he can tell by Eddy’s look that he didn’t fool him at all. His friend, who is chatting with Zach and Hendrick after everybody else left, frowns at the interruption. He’s obviously confused by the use of chinese and blinks a few times.

Zach and Hendrick share a look and Brett hates it, and he hates the ironic smile on Zach’s lips even more. He’s a hundred percent sure the young singer didn’t understand a word of what he said. So why does he look like he knows exactly what’s happening in his head right now?

“ _What?_ “ Eddy replied in mandarin as well, a curious look on his face.

Words are now locked up in his throat, and it’s like he cannot breathe anymore.

“Hem, nothing, sorry.“

“Brett Yang, you stupid, stupid coward“, he mumbles as he goes back to putting the cameras and the blond wig away. He needs to enjoy what he already has, what Eddy agrees on giving him. It was the deal, after all.

_But deep inside, fear starts its journey. It has already conquered his brain, and his heart is next in line._

  
  


**_Second round_ **

The second time it happens, they’re filming another video with Zach. Syakirah is here as well, and he enjoys their bright singer energy for a moment, but apparently Eddy has decided to piss him off today. He’s standing way too close to Zach and for some reason Brett is not ready to endure this. (Last night left him satisfied and very, very emotional. More than he thought he could be. When he woke up in his cold and lonely bed, missing Eddy as if he was missing half of his heart, he knew the day would be long.)

But it’s even more difficult than what he expected. When they left their flat and Eddy put on his camel jacket to hide his arms (“You went a little wild yesterday, didn’t you“ he said jokingly, looking at the bruises scattered on his skin, and Brett almost blushed) he already knew it would be harsh.

He handled the looks, and the jokes, and the closeness, and the flirting pretty well during the video (at least he hopes so, he’s spent half the time trying to hide his burning jealousy and the other half praying for people not to notice it when he couldn’t hold a discomfited look back).

Now they’re just hanging out together; they ordered bubble tea and the conversation rolls on: they talk about uni, parents, music, passion and Singapour. They joke, they laugh, they really enjoy the others’ company. 

A sour feeling keeps reminding Brett that Eddy seems to enjoy _somebody_ ’s company more than anyone’s, and he tries to let it go, he really does.

But now Zach is showing Eddy something on his phone and the two of them are close, really close, and Brett blurts out in chinese without thinking about it:

“ _Why don’t you grind on his lap while you’re at it?_ “

The laughs stop and Brett feels so awkward he might as well die right then and there. But anger bubbles in his stomach, and he catches Eddy’s look, and doesn’t let go. _I’m sick of it. I’m sick of all this._

“ _Is there a problem?_ “ Eddy asks back in mandarin with a weird smile (a fake one, Brett knows all his smiles by heart). 

“ _No, there’s no problem, never. Just go back to flirting, I didn’t want to interrupt whatever you and your crush were doing, sorry about that._ “

Ok, this is getting out of control, but he’s launched now, and he just knows there’s no stopping, and no calming down. 

“Huh, is there a problem?“ Zach asks as well, mirroring Eddy but in english (and this, oh this infuriates Brett, and he can feel rage burning his cheeks.) Syakirah’s mouth is open wide, she follows the awkward dialogue with a _look_ \- oh dear god she’s enjoying this.

“Everything’s alright, don’t worry“ Eddy answers with a reassuring smile, without taking his eyes off Brett's. “We just-“

“ _Oh yeah, yeah, everything’s alright, that’s for sure._ “ Brett is not sure he’s ever been so spiteful, but- hey. He’s got to start someday, right?

“ _Would you stop? We’re not alone._ “

“ _They don’t speak chinese._ “

“ _So what? Don’t you see how rude this is? Come on, Brett, what are you doing?_ “

What is he doing? Good question. He has no fucking idea, and he _knows_ that this is no going where he wants. 

Oh god. This will end badly.

(Who cares? Everything’s already falling apart. He might as well throw himself off a cliff, with everything else).

“ _Rude? I am being rude ? You’re the one who still wants to sleep with me even if you’re trying to seduce another guy. Isn’t it disrespectful to him?_ “

Eddy opens his mouth, averts his eyes to look at Zach for a second, and closes it.

Oh, Brett could kill him, or kiss him, right then and there.

“What are you- _What are you talking about?_ “

“ _Come on, you are being so obvious. How is he gonna feel when you take off your jacket and everything, and he sees the bruises, and the hickeys, and the bite marks? Are you gonna tell him we’ve been fucking for months? Are you gonna tell him about our deal?_ “

Brett is now almost shouting, and his hand hurts so much (wait, how long has he been clenching his fist like this?)

“Brett-...“

“ _No, I’m fed up with this- this whole act._ Fuck it. Fuck.“

He storms out before they can see the angry tears burning his eyes.

_Fuck._

_He ruined everything._

**_Third (and last) round_ **

Brett cried on the way back.

He’s not proud of it, really, he’s even kind of ashamed, but _god did it feel good at the moment._ It was only temporary, though: when he got home, alone in the three-bedrooms apartment they’ve been sharing for months, he felt the whole world weighing on his shoulders.

He doesn’t even bother to switch on the lights or splash some water on his face. He sits down on the couch for a second, just to catch his breath and his thoughts… and falls asleep.

He’s awakened by the sound of a door closing. He hears Eddy fumbling in the dark, a click and the lights are on. 

“Holy fuck“, he mumbles pressing a pillow against his face to hide from the sudden light, and Eddy’s gaze.

He wishes nothing happened _so much_ . _Maybe, if he keeps hiding and ignoring Eddy, he’ll just go away and act as if nothing happened. Maybe, if he pretends nothing happened, nothing actually happened. Maybe it was just a dream and nothing happened._

_Please, please go to your room, please pretend I don’t exist, please ignore me, please don’t talk to me, or touch me, or look at me._

_Please, forget this._

_Please, forgive me._

His face is still hidden in the pillow so he can’t see anything, but he wishes he couldn’t hear as well. _Now Eddy is removing his jacket and drops it on the table instead of hanging it, like he always does. He’s putting down his keys as well, and his pretentious wallet Brett always teases him about (“why are you carrying a handbag?“)._

_Now he pours himself a glass of water, because the brat took the stairs instead of the elevator (“look, I know you find it stupid, but it’s like a free workout… and I know you like my abs, so stop making fun of me.“)_

And the footsteps he’d recognize among a million come closer to the couch and- _oh no. Oh no no no no no no._

Eddy’s sitting on the couch (which is opportunely large, thank God for Ikea), about a meter away from him.

“You know we have to talk about this,“ he says softly after a good while and Brett is very, _very_ tempted to just get up and lock up in his room without saying a word. But he’s a coward, and his entire energy is dedicated to just holding this pillow against his face and not screaming his whole damn soul out in it.

_Please, please go away._

“You also know I won’t give up“, Eddy continues, still kinda shyly, but with a strange determination. “I’m not just gonna get up and leave and act as if nothing happened. You know just like me that this doesn’t work for us, and it’s not who I am anyway. You- well. You remember what happened last time.“

Yes, Brett remembers, and this is the fucking problem. _The last time they did it, they… did it. And not talking about it for a week was the worst, it was awful, and painful, and it almost ruined their friendship, and it’s actually how they ended up coming with this all best-friends-with-benefits situation. The infamous “deal“._

_Ugh, Brett feels like throwing up, right now. Has his saliva always tasted so bad?_

“Brett, I-... I don’t know what to do. Please, talk to me. I want to understand, I want- whatever the issue is, whatever is wrong with you, or me. I want us to go past this.“

He stops talking, and Brett knows it’s his turn, really, but what is he supposed to say? _My problem is you flirting with another guy even though you’re wearing proofs I fucked you last night all over your body. My problem is me feeling betrayed even though you did nothing wrong, because I don’t own you. My problem is you being so sexy and charming with people. My problem is me being fucking in love with you when you don’t love me._

So he stays quiet, and Eddy now sounds discouraged.

“Brett… Brett, please. What can I- what did I do wrong?“, he murmurs, and his voice cracks, and- _oh, no. Oh shit, fuck, crap, shit, no, no, no._

He grits his teeth, takes a deep breath and lets go off the pillow. He still doesn’t open his eyes, though. Instead, he takes his head in his hands and says shakily:

“Oh, Eddy, you did nothing wrong. It’s me, I- look. I’m just having these stupid… ideas, but you are free, and it’s not like we decided-... but then he was all charming and he smirked and it’s like- you are right after all, he’s a wonderful guy, and I bursted because-... I don’t know, I couldn’t hold it anymore, and I’m so sorry, Eddy, I’m so sorry, please forgive me, I’ll totally support you when you date him, please, and I’m so, so, so sorry…“

And none of this makes sense, and he only realizes afterwards, but it’s too late and now Eddy is looking at him, he knows it, he can feel his gaze weighing on him and burning him like a fucking sun.

Eddy stays silent for a while, before saying slowly:

“You know… I didn’t intend on flirting, or anything. I don’t have a crush on Zach, or anyone out there.“

Silence, again. Brett holds his breath, and because he can not actually believe it, he finally raises his head and looks at Eddy in disbelief. _Oh, dear God. What?_ But he looks sincere, and Brett doesn’t know what to think anymore.

“Dude, he’s 21! How could I-... I know I’m a weird guy, with weird kinks and all, but no,“ he laughs softly, and Brett smiles a little bit as well, and kinda hates him for a second. _Could he stop being so cute and understanding for a while? Jeez._ “He… gives great advice, though“, Eddy continues, and Brett knows him too well not to expect some lengthy beating-around-the-bush explanation, and he’s not in the mood for charades.

“About what? Advice about what?“ (His voice is shaking, he’s fearing the worst, really).

Eddy swallows his saliva, licks his lower lip (the bastard) and sighs.

“He… They told me… I didn’t really understand what you- why you… why you were so angry, but they told me-“

_Fuck._

“Eddy. Eddy. Did you… Tell- translate…“ Brett panics now, like for real, he feels like he can not breathe and his hands are so sweaty and no, no, that can not be, no-

“Oh my god, no, I wouldn’t, like, don’t worry mate, no!“ Eddy exclaims with wide eyes. “Who do you think I am, I wouldn’t do this to you! It’s just-...“

He sighs again, and as Brett’s heartbeat begins subsiding, he explains calmly: “They didn’t get a word of what you said, of course, but when you left I was so-... _astonished_ I didn’t say a word for like a minute. And- well. Syakirah just said “wow“, but Zach…“

Eddy shifts, averts his eyes and looks at the ground for a second. Brett holds his breath, almost starts panicking again when Eddy turns to look at him again and… blushes?

“What did he say?“ he asks, because this silence is painful, and, oh, he needs to know, he needs- something. Eddy’s answer is slow and low, a deep and shy murmur which _moves_ something in Brett’s belly.

“He… He said, and I quote him exactly: ‘Honestly, I could get mad too if my… (Eddy swallows before going on) crush… was this friendly with strangers.‘ … That’s… That’s what he said.“

It takes a good silent minute for Brett to process everything. His brain froze at ‘crush‘ and now he doesn’t even understand what Zach meant. What does this- what… What… _What?!_

_No, no, this can’t be, he can not, he-..._

Brett starts pacing back and forth (wait, when did he get up?), he’s panicking again, oh my god, his palms are so sweaty and his hands are shaking and he struggles to breath, and he could cry right now, he could really cry, and a tear rolls down his cheek before he can hold it back, and his eyes meet Eddy’s, and _oh my god, he knows now._

Eddy knows and Brett didn’t deny it because he was panicking like a moron and now everything is ruined and he wants to say something, to at least try to conceal his freak-out into mere embarrassment, but his teeth chatter so much he cannot say a word, and his jaw aches, and his head, and his chest, and everything is blurry around him, and-

And.

And there’s nothing left around him, but heat, strength and a soft manly scent, and a strained voice, charged with emotion : “I’ve been distantly in love with you for so long that I forgot you could ever have some feelings for me as well. It never came to my mind, I never imagined it, I never even hoped for it, because what was the point? And, Brett, if you knew how much I need you, how much I crave for you, and your love, and everything you can offer me, you wouldn’t think for a second I could want anybody else. It’s you, Brett, it’s always been you, since the beginning and through the years, through the best and the worst, through the ups and downs, before anyone and above everybody else. How could it not be you now, and after, and in a thousand years? I know this is too much, way too much, and I swear I didn’t intend to overwhelm you, I just need to get this off my chest, and to know you know it as well, because the charades need to end right now, and I don’t want any other misunderstanding between us, ever again. I know it was my fault nine months ago, that we slept together, and I came up with this “deal“ idea, and I know it might have confused you, and I’m so, so sorry for all this. I was being selfish, I just- I just wanted you, I needed you, I felt so lonely and I had missed you so much. I am so, so sorry if this messed our friendship up, if it messed you up, if it ruined everything. But- but if you want me like I want you, maybe we can make this work.“

Silence falls again between them- no, around them. Their embrace is so tight there is no room for anything between the two men. It is just them, Eddy’s heart beating against Brett’s ear, its fascinating rhythm surrounding him like an exotic dance, and there is nothing else to do but listen. When the piece slows down, when he feels so happy and settled he feels like he might as well die from bliss, something rings in his belly, an urge he already felt before, years ago, and always bit back in fear. 

A sudden need their embraces a night never really fulfilled.

A desire he can satisfy now.

So Brett raises his head and, in a movement that never felt so natural, kisses Eddy with all his will, all his tenderness and all his love.

In a few hours, he’ll tell Eddy he’s been in love with him for so many years he forgot when it actually started. In a few hours, he’ll apologize to Zach and Syakirah (and they’ll make a little fun of him, and he’ll forgive them because they’re right).

In a few hours they’ll kiss and hug and kiss again, because they know eternity awaits them, but they need to make up for the time they wasted.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it, let me know if there’s any mistake! I can’t english today ugh  
> You can also let me know if you liked it of course, as an encouragement, maybe? <3


End file.
